BDSM explained
What Is BDSM? Meaning, Types and How to Start
The letters, the three pairs, how consent works and what the research says.
BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. It describes consensual play with restraint, power or strong sensation, agreed beforehand with a way to stop at any time. Consent is the basis.
BDSM meaning: what the letters stand for
The American Counseling Association (ACA) reads the word as three overlapping pairs in its 2020 practice brief on kink culture, and the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) glossary lists the same three. Scarleteen notes the S sometimes means submission, as in D/s.
Bondage and discipline
Using “physical or psychological restraints”, in the ACA brief’s words. NCSF defines bondage as any type of restraint, from fuzzy handcuffs to rope ties.
Dominance and submission
A “consensual and negotiated exchange of power or authority”, as the ACA brief puts it. One person leads and the other follows, by agreement.
Sadism and masochism
One person gives and the other receives “strong sensations or stimuli”, to quote the ACA brief. As with the other pairs, everything is agreed first.
NCSF calls consensual power exchange the basis of all three: after negotiation, one person agrees to submit to specific activities and the other to be in control for a set time, with talk before, during and after so that consent holds.
Where does kink fit?
Kink is the wider word. The ACA brief calls it an umbrella term for BDSM along with role play, fantasies, fetishes and other erotic expression, and says many people use kink and BDSM interchangeably. NCSF describes it the same way and adds consensual exhibitionism and voyeurism to the list.
Our guide to what kink means sets kink, fetish and BDSM side by side; the dom, sub and switch guide covers the roles.
Consent
How consent works: SSC, RACK and the 4Cs
The ACA brief names three frameworks for consent, the first two from within the BDSM community. They are conventions, not a rulebook.
SSC
Safe, sane and consensual. The ACA brief says many people have dropped it, because “sane” can pathologise practitioners with a history of mental illness.
RACK
Risk aware consensual kink. The ACA brief says it, like SSC, focuses on consent and risk awareness. NCSF and Healthline’s impact play guide both use it.
The 4Cs
Caring, communication, consent and caution. The ACA brief says it has been cited as more comprehensive, because it centres open communication and emotional wellbeing.
The ACA brief also names three levels of consent. Surface consent is the first yes or no. Scene consent is the negotiation before a scene, NCSF’s word for a session of play: what happens, how anyone withdraws and what aftercare follows. Deep consent is the hardest: it depends on being able to say you are distressed and pull out mid-scene.
Conventions, not legal tests. None of these changes what the law says, and NCSF says a written agreement between a dominant and a submissive is “not legally binding”. For the South African position, see is BDSM legal in South Africa.
How common is BDSM?
It depends on the question. Researchers have counted who took part in the past year, who ever has, who is interested and who uses the label, and the answers in the studies below run from under 2% to nearly half. Fantasies score higher still. None of these studies is South African, and we found no South African figure.
| Study and who was asked | What was measured | Result |
|---|---|---|
| Richters and colleagues, 2008, Journal of Sexual Medicine: 19,307 Australians aged 16 to 59 | Sexually active people involved in BDSM in the previous year | 1.8% (2.2% of men, 1.3% of women) |
| Holvoet and colleagues, 2017, Journal of Sexual Medicine: 1,027 Belgians, a representative sample | Had ever performed at least one BDSM-related activity | 46.8% |
| Performed at least one regularly | 12.5% | |
| Said they were interested in BDSM | 26% | |
| Self-identified as BDSM practitioners | 7.6% | |
| Brown and colleagues, 2020, Journal of Sex Research: a review of 60 articles | BDSM-related fantasies | 40 to 70% |
| Reported engaging in BDSM | About 20% |
Read the rows as different questions, not competing answers. In the Belgian sample, far more people had tried something than called themselves practitioners, and the authors say they cannot completely rule out participation bias. These figures show how the questions work, not how many of your neighbours are in the scene.
Is BDSM normal, or a mental illness?
“Normal” is slippery, so here is what was studied. The ACA brief explains that the DSM-5, the diagnostic manual it cites, treats sexual sadism, sexual masochism, fetishism and similar interests as disorders only when a person reports distress, anxiety, guilt, shame or obsessions about them. The brief adds that for sadism, voyeurism and exhibitionism the diagnosis also turns on whether the behaviour is directed at someone who has not consented.
A 2013 study of 902 BDSM practitioners and 434 comparison participants, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, found practitioners were less neurotic and less sensitive to rejection, more extraverted and conscientious, and higher in subjective wellbeing, though less agreeable. The authors concluded BDSM may be thought of as “a recreational leisure, rather than the expression of psychopathological processes.”
Brown and colleagues’ 2020 review of 60 articles found little support for psychopathologic models, and no higher rates of mental health problems among practitioners. These studies describe groups, many of them people who chose to answer a questionnaire, and none says BDSM is without risk or right for everyone. If shame about your desires weighs on you, the ACA brief says kink-aware counsellors treat BDSM as part of the normal range of sexual expression.
How to tell kink from abuse
Kink is agreed. Abuse is not. The ACA brief lists markers that can separate the two, and stresses that having one or more does not prove violence. Treat them as prompts for a conversation, not a diagnosis:
- fear around joining in, setting boundaries or negotiating consent
- no agreed safety guidelines, such as a safe word or a way to withdraw consent
- social isolation
- emotional volatility that goes with violence followed by reconciliation
- clear power imbalances that carry on in everyday life
- no clear negotiation or communication between partners
NCSF’s questions for checking that a dynamic is healthy, printed in the brief, are blunt. Are your needs and limits respected? Can you leave without fearing harm? Can you see other people and decide about your own money, work and life? If several answers are no, talk to someone you trust. The safety page explains how to block and report on this site.
How to start
Words first, acts later. BDSM for beginners gives seven steps from curiosity to a first conversation. The guides to safe words and negotiating a scene cover the two agreements every partner needs, and our ten-question self-check helps you put words to what appeals. When you want to meet people, see BDSM dating in South Africa, or browse our guides.
This guide is general information, not medical or legal advice. For anything about your health, ask a doctor or a kink-aware professional, such as those in the NCSF Kink Aware Professionals directory, and take legal questions to a South African lawyer.
BDSM questions answered
What does BDSM stand for?
Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism, shortened to B/D, D/s and S/M. The American Counseling Association calls it an overlapping acronym, and you can see why: the pairs share letters. NCSF defines it the same way.
Is BDSM normal?
A representative Belgian sample of 1,027 people found 26% were interested in BDSM and 7.6% self-identified as practitioners, and a 2020 review of 60 articles found no higher rates of mental health problems in practitioners. Neither is a South African figure.
How is BDSM different from abuse?
BDSM rests on negotiated consent that either person can withdraw. The ACA brief names warning markers such as fear around consent, no safe word, isolation and lasting power imbalances, and stresses that having one or more does not prove violence, so treat them as prompts for a conversation.
How do I start with BDSM?
Slowly, and with talking before doing. Learn the vocabulary, work out what interests you and tell someone you trust before you try anything. Our beginners’ guide sets out seven steps, from finding a patient play partner to agreeing aftercare.
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